The
Style Invitational Week 1006 It's…it's
By
Pat Myers, Updated: Thursday, January
17, 12:48 PM
The
Flush: Putting the seat back down across the nation!
IroningMan:
When he’s steamed up, he lays waste to those diabolical wrinkles under the
shirt sleeves!
As
noted in a recent NPR story, Pixar artist Everett Downing resolved last year to
create a new superhero every day. He’s giving himself a few more months to
reach his goal of 365, but he’s already come up with more than 300 on his blog
365 Supers, including Jack B. Nimble, the married duo of Ball and Chain, and
Emoticon, “a man more villain than superhero who leaves a trail of destruction
and a winking smiley face.” Let’s do our own. This week: Create a new superhero
(or duo) and describe the superpower, or not-very-super-power.
Winner
gets the Inkin’ Memorial, the bobblehead that is the official Style
Invitational trophy. Second place receives an action figure called Tiny Kung Fu
Master: “Clap your hands and watch him fight!” while the strains of “Kung Fu
Fighting” emanate from said master. The Empress has had this lying around for
at least three years, so you might not get many “kicks of doom.”
Other
runners-up win their choice of a yearned-for Loser Mug or the ardently desired
Grossery Bag. Honorable mentions get a lusted-after Loser magnet. First
Offenders receive a smelly, tree-shaped air “freshener” (FirStink for their
first ink). E-mail entries to losers@washpost.com or fax to 202-334-4312. Deadline is Monday,
Jan. 28; results published Feb. 17 (online Feb. 14). No more than 25 entries
per entrant per week. Include “Week 1006” in your e-mail subject line or it
might be ignored as spam. Include your real name, postal address and phone
number with your entry. See contest rules and guidelines at
wapo.st/inviterules. The subhead for this week’s honorable mentions is by Tom
Witte, as is the alternative headline in the “next week’s results” line. Join
the lively Style Invitational Devotees group on Facebook at on.fb.me/invdev.
Report
from Week 1002, in which we asked you to supply
totally bogus definitions to a series of obscure words found in the Oxford
English Dictionary (without telling you the real ones):
The
winner of the Inkin’ Memorial
Hinderyeap:
To pinch a friend in the rear to keep him from saying something stupid: “Hey,
Mrs. Smith, when are you due? I didn’t even know you were– yeap!” (Frank Osen,
Pasadena, Calif.) [Real definition: an adjective meaning cunning or deceitful]
2.
Winner of the gag-gift “Potenz Pillen”:
Housty: The smell of someone who doesn’t get out much. “He spent so much
time working on Invite entries that he developed a housty odor.” (Dixon Wragg,
Santa Rosa, Calif.) [n., a sore throat]
3.
INTI: Texting retort to “run that errand yourself” — I’m Not the Intern. (Ann Martin, Bracknell, England) [n., a
former Peruvian unit of currency]
4.
Hispidulous: Tending to spew saliva on others when speaking. “The hispidulous
preacher’s congregation got used to being rebaptized every Sunday.” (Danielle
Nowlin, Woodbridge, Va.) [adj., slightly bristly]
VetOED:
honorable mentions
Higgle:
The disconcerting motion of man-boobs. “Only the Secret Service knew that Bill
Clinton jogged with a sports bra for higgle control.” (Jeff Brechlin, Eagan,
Minn.) [n., the adjusting of prices so that demand equals supply]
Himple,
n.: The pathetic result when a boy desperately uses a smear of Mom’s makeup
before a date. (Tim Beach, Edgewater, Md. a First Offender) [v., to limp or
hobble]
Himple,
v.: To masculinize a product in an effort to attract male consumers. “Men
wouldn’t touch these appletinis until we himpled them into ‘snot-shots.’”
(Frank Osen)
Himple,
adj.: Possessing a type of stupidity associated with the Y-chromosome. “I knew
he was himple when he didn’t know the difference between the stove and the
oven.” (Dixon Wragg)
Hinderyeap:
Hair on the buttocks. “He’s got so much hinderyeap he had to let out his
pants.” (Neal Starkman, Seattle)
Hornito:
A leg-friendly Chihuahua. (Lawrence McGuire, Waldorf, Md.) [n., a low mound of
volcanic origin]
Hirrie-harrie:
Ritual suicide after failing to get sorted into Gryffindor. (Matt Monitto,
Elon, N.C.)[“an utterance expressive of rapid and tumultuous movement”]
Huff-duff:
What the Three Little Pigs told the Big Bad Wolf to blow it out of. (Dave
Komornik, Danville, Va.) [n., a device for determining the direction of radio
signals]
Humdudgeon:
A fit of pique that you control by making a low, continuous growl. (Roy Ashley,
Washington) [n., an imaginary illness]
Idiopt,
n.: In a multiple-choice question, an answer that is obviously wrong and
included for laughs. (Fred Dawson, Beltsville, Md.) [n., a colorblind person]
Idiopt,
v.: To knowingly make a stupid choice: “I guarantee Ben will idiopt to hit on
the bouncer’s girlfriend.” (Mike Gips, Bethesda, Md.)
Idiopt,
v.: To sign up for “special marketing offers from our partners.” (Ben Aronin,
Arlington, Va.; Art Grinath, Takoma Park, Md.)
Ikat:
Siri prototype that would not interact with the user, required attention at
strange hours, and would not accept the battery charger that worked fine
yesterday. (Dave Hanlon, Woodbridge, Va.; Bill Smith, Reston, Va.) [n., an
Asian fabric decoration technique]
Inti:
Showing opposition to the in-group by its own members. The Democrats are
anti-Boehner; the tea party is inti-Boehner. (Paul Burnham, Gainesville, Va.)
Jargogle,
n.: The sticky mess on the rim of the jelly or ketchup container. (Ron Gove,
Leesburg, Va., a First Offender) [v., to confuse, jumble]
Jaunder:
To accidentally wash your brand-new neon yellow T- shirt with your whites. (Ken
Noffke, Stephens City, Va., a First Offender) [n., idle talk]
Jeofail:
To phrase your answer in the form of an answer. (Edmund Conti, Raleigh, N.C.)
[n., a mistake in a legal proceeding]
Jerkinet:
The comment section of a newspaper’s Web site. “Stick to the article and skip
the nutcase commentary on the jerkinet.” (Michael Reinemer, Annandale, Va.)
[n., a jacket worn by lower-class women]
Jerkinet:
A chocolate-covered bit of dried meat, a new snack they’re serving at tough-guy
movies. (Stephen Dudzik, Olney, Md.)
Jerque:
Someone who can speak more languages than you. (Josh Feldblyum,
Philadelphia)[v., to examine or search a cargo ship’s papers]
Jobble:
A cushy position that a college concocts so it can pay a stipend to a prize
athlete. “They gave Moose the jobble of controlling the thermostat for the
showers.” (Howard Walderman, Columbia, Md.) [n., a small quantity or load of
hay, straw, etc.]
Jobble: A small fluctuation in the unemployment rate. “In the
run-up to the election, the media obsessed over every jobble.” (Chris Doyle,
Ponder, Tex.)
Karzy:
Willing to travel to Afghanistan as a tourist. (Mike Gips)[n., slang for
toilet]
Keek:
French unit for percentage of alcohol. (Barbara Turner, Takoma Park, Md.) [v.,
to sneak a peep]
Kerygma:
Undescribable blandness: “Al Gore just exudes kerygma.” (Bird Waring,
Larchmont, N.Y.) [the essence of Christian preaching]
Kreep:
in the Klan hierarchy, the rank just below Kleagle and above Kretin. (David
Garratt, Silver City, N.M.)
Kurvey:
To take a woman’s precise measurements. “The lucky fellow worked as a kurveyor
for the Miss America pageant.” (Robert Schechter, Dix Hills, N.Y.)
Next
week’s results: Just Do It, or Pitch Switch